Dear Mike Huckabee: You do know how reproduction works, right?

The original title of this post was Dear GOP: You do know how pregnancy works, right?, and it was my single most viewed post, ever, getting more than 100,000 hits in March, 2012. Apparently, though, Mike Huckabee didn’t get the memo. So I’m re-upping it.

I have been pregnant four times.

These pregnancies led to the following four results, in this order: abortion, baby, miscarriage, baby.

These pregnancies occurred over a span of many years, across two continents, and in three different homes. There were at least seven different health care professionals involved, my hair styles varied widely, as did my levels of nausea. The only constant, in all four cases, other than me, was the presence of a penis.

It happened to be the penis I eventually married, but regardless, that is how reproduction works. No matter who you are, no matter your sexuality, ability to reproduce, or family make-up, if there are children in your life, at some point along the way, there was a penis involved.

I mention this only because it seems the GOP, and star player Mike Huckabee, may have forgotten.

Because as we trundle along, shaming women for having any kind of sex, ever, that is not entirely focused on producing babies — even if we are married, even if it wasn’t so much “sex” as “rape,” even if having a baby would threaten our health and thus the well-being of the children we already have — we are completely and utterly ignoring the fact that the single, solitary way for humans to reproduce is for sperm to meet egg. And sperm, you may recall, come from penises.

Which are attached to men.

If women are having too much sex, so are men. If women are producing babies, so are men. If women are making irresponsible reproductive choices with which they want to burden “the American people” —

Birth control, abortions, prenatal care, postpartum care, child care — whatever we may think, whatever we may have been told — are not women’s issues. They are human issues.

There is a purely incandescent rage that comes over me now on a nearly daily basis over the blatant dehumanization of women that is currently sweeping the nation. It is exhausting. It is heart breaking. It is spirit crushing. And there’s nothing to be done but to continue to feel it, because I refuse to stop fighting for my right, my daughter’s right, my mother’s right, my sister’s right — the inalienable right of all women everywhere — to human dignity.

But every once and a while, a particularly galling aspect of the GOP’s War on Women floats to the top of the filth, and I am gobsmacked anew. And today it is as simple as this: Women do not reproduce on their own. If the libidos of heterosexual women who use birth control are out of control, Mr. Huckabee, you might want to consider the libidos of the men with whom they’re consorting.

If leading members of the Republican Party are so anxious to control women’s sexuality (and they clearly are), they’d better start shaming men, too.

That is, unless its representatives are willing to argue that men are constitutionally incapable of not sticking their junk into the nearest available lady bits, and we gals have all the power.

I, for one, have too much respect for men to buy that.

PS “Uncle Sugar,” Mike Huckabee? Really?


  1. Reblogged this on nochitnosip and commented:
    Thanks, Ms Hauser.

  2. I love this!!! It is humuous while addressing a very serious issue. Sometimes I wonder if GOP supporters missed the Age of Reason, came to this century and then skipped all their Biology courses. What is truly frightening is the views of present concern come from the leaders of the party and because of that their opinions could be transmuted to action, then law. They are a reprehensible, retrogressive, callous, lot but it is possible for loonies to win elections. That I fear and loathe their hypocritical politics is quite justified.

  3. QuiteDirect

     /  January 23, 2014

    Good column!

    Let’s also not forget the very simple fact that the birth control mandate does not burden the American people. Insurance companies generally offer lower premiums for insurance plans which cover hormonal birth control, because they save on obstetrics and maternity care for all the unplanned pregnancies.

    Also if you are pro-life you must be pro-birth-control and family planning. To feel otherwise is to be hypocritical. As a Catholic Republican these are concepts which I continue to fight for with others in my own community. And it’s frustrating as hell. 98% of all women have used birth control. Undoubtedly, many of them are Catholics and Republicans. But they aren’t talking openly about it and that needs to change.

    • “Also if you are pro-life you must be pro-birth-control and family planning.” Great point. If pro-lifers want to reduce the number of abortions, they need to embrace and encourage the use of contraception.

  4. Reblogged this on musicbugsandgender.

  5. Thumbs up from this male.

  6. Amazing post. Thank you!