Sick and tired of being Israeli. Again. Still.

As I obsess about Khader Adnan and what will happen in Israel/Palestine if he dies in Israeli custody, and meanwhile also try to fit in actual paying work that is almost all about advocating for the two-state solution that Israel appears bound and determined to destroy, I find that all I can feel is how tired I am of being Israeli. Again. I wrote about it once, and nothing’s changed. So, a re-up:

I’m sick of being Israeli.

I am sick of watching my home lurch from bad to worse — from the unavoidable xenophobia of any hounded and nationalistic people, to creeping-vine-xenophobia, the kind that the holds the whole house up at a certain point, having all but replaced whatever was once between the bricks. Israel had one good, shining year when it seemed it might be stepping forward rather than back, but 1993 came and went and here we are, worse off than we were before the Oslo Accords, because the Palestinian economy is more thoroughly wrecked, the Palestinian people more thoroughly occupied, Palestinian land more thoroughly gobbled up, and thousands of people (the vast majority of them Palestinian) more thoroughly dead.

And to those who would say “Is America really any different?” (as some friends have) I would say: Yes. In America, we go from bad to better — slowly, painfully, splutteringly, we move forward. Israel? Not so much. Have you seen the recent spate of anti-democratic laws passed in The Middle East’s Only Democracy ™? Or read up on why all those protesters were out on the streets for all those weeks? Not to mention the continual erosion, by design, of any and all hope for a genuine, mutally acceptable peace with the Palestinians? Bad to worse, bad to worser, bad to worsest (until the next worsest comes along).

And I am sick of the lies, and lies, and lies, and then more lies, and more to the point, the fact that I continually find myself living in what feels like an alternate reality because my Israeli government goes on and on telling whopper after whopper and my American government just lets it go. Watches as the lies slip and slide past, without so much as a “hey, are you sure? Maybe we should check the documents!” And I sit here with my masters degree and my books and my ability to think in a fashion that does not resemble a drunken bastard and time after time, find myself insisting that, no, really! You can’t make reality up! (Think of it this way: It’s like the climate change debate, on every front, every day, all day long. Forever).

I am sick and tired — exhausted, drained, and demoralized — by the endless, daily effort involved in just thinking about all this, and you know what? If I weren’t Israeli? I wouldn’t have to.

I don’t know if the plan has been to drive Israelis like me away (though driving Israelis like me away is certainly considered a bonus in some quarters), but damn. I am sick to tears of having to have anything to do with the sociopathy and psychopathy that characterize official Israel.

And I am sick to tears of being sick of it.

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6 Comments

  1. Wow…thank you for posting this. I’m only now really starting to learn about these issues, I’m curious to read more of your blog. My best friend sort of expresses the same sentiment above, but with less words. I don’t know if I can ever really understand, but I want to learn more in any case.

  2. Thank you for posting. I only hope that the madness abates at some point. Please take care of yourself. We need your clear sight and direct discussion.

  3. Darth Thulhu

     /  February 21, 2012

    Can’t offer anything beyond a hug, so …

    *hug*

    Sorry it never ends

  4. That’s something we non-Israelis can’t fully appreciate, I think. No matter what the level of our concern is, it’s still not “us”. As much as I would like Obama and his administration to look at actions in the Middle East (well, everywhere, to be honest, but we can start there) individually rather than as “good because the good guys did it” or “bad because the bad guys did it”, it’s somewhat like me wishing (insert sports simile here), except of course that it’s quite a bit more significant. (The similarity being that I have a rooting interest, but not because I played for either side.)

    And it isn’t intertwined with everything else we do. The insanity that is Republican “leadership” is perhaps the closest thing we have … but that affects you too.

    I’m not really sure what to wish for on your behalf, other than a general “I wish things would get better” or “I wish that all these irrational people would go somewhere where their irrationality would not affect anyone else.”

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