When I was in Israel and emoting allll over the intertrons, commenter Sorn posed the following query:
There seems to be a difference in mentality and experience between someone who is Jewish and someone who is Israeli, and correspondingly a process whereby Jews “become” Israeli. I have a feeling that the process of becoming an Israeli has more to it than living in Israel and being Jewish and I was wondering if you had already spoken to that somewhere or were planning to speak on it.
I told him I would answer “next week,” which was last week, and here we are at the end of this week, and… like that. I figured I better get on it!
But here’s the thing: Though these questions are fascinating and I think even important, I have a very hard time answering them, because for me, the process was reversed: I became an Israeli before I became Jewish.
Of course, I’ve argued that I was always Jewish, I just didn’t know it — and on a certain level (the level at which we transcend literal fact), I believe this to be True. Yet, however True it may be, it wasn’t true when I was born Protestant in a Protestant nation, nor did it make it true when I landed in Israel and started a life there (little knowing that was what I was doing). I have no idea what it’s like to grow up Jewish in America (observing my own children has been something of a revelation), and I have no idea what it’s like to come up in the belief that Israel is my spiritual homeland.
What did happen, in truth and Truth, was that when I landed in Israel, I discovered myself to be home (Home). As the years went by, as I admitted to myself that I had been surreptitiously sinking roots behind my own back, I became Israeli. I just fit there: I’m brash, I’m confident in my opinions, I improvise at the drop of a hat, I don’t let formalities hold me back, I value the warmth and easy generosity of Israeli society, and the notion of casually marrying history to modernity — the past not as a relic but part and parcel of our lived present — resonates very powerfully for me. I discovered a love for Hebrew and the natural landscape and Israeli popular culture, and I discovered, more slowly, that I was really meant to be Jewish.
So I converted, and though I didn’t formally become Israeli (citizenship, voting rights, passport) until after I had completed my conversion, I was already Israeli. The decision to convert sealed that, and the rest, even the conversion process, what just paperwork. The two — the “Israeli” and the “Jewish” — are for me personally inseparable.
I don’t know what it’s like for other people. I have watched non-Israeli Jews who have slowly but surely become Israeli (or choose not to, and eventually go back from whence they came), but I don’t know that process personally at all. I am, genuinely, an Israeli Jew, if for no other reason than, because like other Israeli Jews, that’s where I learned what being a Jew is.
And yet. I moved back to the States permanently in 1998, once again not knowing that that was what I was doing (but in this case, I wasn’t hiding anything from myself, I just didn’t know what future Israel had in store for itself, and the rage that future would engender in the husband and me both), and I find myself, in the past couple of years especially, becoming more and more of a Diaspora Jew — understanding what it’s like to be a minority, struggling to find the best ways to convey Who We Are to our children, reshaping our own little traditions in light of what the community does here vs. there — but I think that what this really is is an odd case of immigration. I’m an immigrant in a place that I actually grew up in. I’m learning the ways of my new country, shedding old ways, adapting. None of it really makes sense, but I’m trying!
So. None of that answer Sorn’s question, but it’s the only answer I could hope to give! If any readers have thoughts on this, I’d love to hear them.
Having said all of that, though, it’s winter in the Midwest and Shabbat comes early here — I’ve already cheated the clock a bit, and I feel a powerful need to stop. The kind of Jew I am keeps the Sabbath, so off I go! Shabbat shalom to Jews and Gentiles alike, Israeli and non-!