(Looking for the Open Thread? Click here).
This is not, however, a post about that! No, it’s a post about resumes, or rather: the things I can’t put on mine, now that I’m thinking about it so much.
Like most people, I have skills — not to say skillz — that are finely honed, often unparalleled, and frequently dead handy. But useless on a resume.
- I can collate a messy pile of papers faster than just about anyone you might meet.
- I can likewise tap a messy pile of papers into a neat and presentable pile of papers right quick, without benefit of one of those automatic paper joggers (that I am not making up) with which I used to jiggle reams of paper into shape back when I ran a printing press in my youth. (Really).
- I have a freakish ability to divine from nothing but a movie’s trailer whether it will be good, or, in fact, suck. With, like, 80% accuracy. (Though I totally blew it, apparently, with Airbender. I declared it would be awesome. It is apparently most decidedly not awesome. I think I was blinded by my own fervent hopes).
- On rare occasion, I will have absolutely no idea what the time is, but for the most part, I can tell you the time, without access to a time piece, within roughly 5-7 minutes of the actual-factual time.
- I can measure a half teaspoon or teaspoon of salt, cinnamon, what-have-you, name your ground spice or herb, into my hand with stunning accuracy.
- Set me down in any building on earth, and I will find the bathroom.
How is that the job offers aren’t rolling in? I ask you.