Why is this country so big?

I realized yesterday that it’s been ages since I was funny on this blog. Or, at least ages since I was anything other than bitterly funny. I don’t think “bitterly funny” counts, really. Not quite so joyful!

So while this isn’t necessarily “funny,” per se, perhaps I’ll be mildly amusing as I grocery list stuff that I really-but-really wish I had the time and funds to do, in rather far-flung American locales.

Stuff I wish I had the time and funds to do.

  1. Fly to New York and go to American Idiot – Green Day has developed a musical based on the album American Idiot with additional tunes from their more recent disc, 21st Century Breakdown, and OMG, I want to go to there! American Idiot the album is so fucking awesome (side note: As a former music reviewer, I wonder why it is that these days, when I really love some musical effort, the only word I have for it is “awesome.” But I digress) and it is, always was, by nature a rock opera. To actually stage the thing is the sort of plan that would either be epically awful, or fucking awesome! And reviews suggest that for someone such as myself — a woman who never got over her giddy love of brainexploding rock n’ roll — it is fucking awesome. (Also, side note #2: Billy Joe Armstrong looks like my kindergarten best friend Kevin, if Kevin had grown up to be a punk rocker).
  2. Fly to the opposite side of the country, to Salinas, California, to attend this year’s Steinbeck Festival – a) I did not know that there was such a thing as an annual Steinbeck Festival! b) This year’s focus is the role of travel in his writing, and b.1) that fascinates me unto itself and b.2) one of my favorite books in the history of ever is Travels with Charley, wherein Steinbeck travels around the US with his faithful standard poodle Charley. (Side note #3: I love that book so much that I actually fashioned a trip around Israel based on it, and ultimately wrote a book — a not altogether bad book! — about the experience entitled Travels without Charley. Remember back when I said that some of my current professional woes can be traced back to my own decisions and mistakes? Not having the courage to shepherd that book to publication is one of the two or three biggest mistakes of my life. And no, it’s too late to publish it now, as it was a travel memoir set in a very specific time and place and that time is well and truly over. Sad to say, actually. But I digress!) The thing is, I can’t really curse in describing how much I want to attend this event, because I recently learned that Steinbeck was known for coming up with stunningly creative ways to curse without using curse words — a fact I admire, mainly because of the lingual creativity it had to entail, but hey, I do love the salty talk, so I’m not going to stop now. But, in writing about Steinbeck, it hardly seems appropriate, amirite? So: Blessed jelly sandwiches, this festival looks like it would be a supernova of awesome! And I want very much to go to there. I even began to play with trying to figure out a way to write about the festival for someone who would pay me — as if I’d forgotten that the world of paid writing has collapsed in on itself! Ah, now, that’s funny. Oh wait, but it’s bitter. Oh well.
  3. Stay right here in the Middle West and go on the girl’s field trip to the Pilsen neighborhood of Chicago – but wait! I do have the time and funds to do that! And it’s today! In, like, ten minutes! So, I’m off. I know this was short, but hey, I’m off to have fun with a busload of marvelous teachers and delightful (and often quite funny!) kids, so dude! I’m out!

1 Comment

  1. sue swartz

     /  May 6, 2010

    You can always do as the Fabulous Mr. Fox does in Wes Anderson’s movie. He says, with relish, “Are you cussing with me? Don’t you cuss with me. What the cuss are you talking about?” You get the picture. Simple, precise, and to the point. Almost as much zing as the original.