Good stuff: Or, How to waste the entire day with Eddie Izzard.

I have come to love the Twitter, and I’ll tell you for why.

For one thing, I am often directed to important developments coming out of Israel/Palestine that I might not have otherwise noticed. For another, I am often directed to interesting and/or fascinating information that has nothing whatsoever to do with Israel/Palestine, and, you know: Phew! And for a third, occasionally, one is gifted with something like, oh, I don’t know, say: THE ENTIRE TRANSCRIPT TO EDDIE IZZARD’S DRESS TO KILL SHOW.

OMG. OMG! I’m not sure, now, how I’ll get anything done today. Because all I want to do is read it. I’ve seen Dress to Kill so many times that I could probably recite it along with the man himself, but seeing it on the page (screen), devoid of sound, devoid of images, is just weird, man! Weird and cool! Brings it to a whole other level (she said, of course, in an Eddie Izzard voice).

Here’s but a wee small taste:

I used to keep my makeup in a squirrel hole, up the tree. The squirrel would keep makeup on one side, and he’d keep nuts on the other side. And sometimes I’d get up that tree, and that squirrel would be covered in makeup! ( mimes squirrel putting on makeup ) “La la, la la… Oh! ( mimes squirrel eating ) What?! Fuck off!” He seemed to say. And squirrels always eat nuts with two hands, always two hands, and occasionally, they stop and go ( gasps ), as if they’re going, “Did I leave the gas on? No! I’m a fucking squirrel!” And occasionally they go, “Fucking nuts! Fed up with them always. I long for a grapefruit.”

If you, too, would like to waste your entire day with Eddie Izzard, here you go: Dress to Kill transcript.

You’re welcome.


  1. Eddie Rocks. Saw him in concert at the Chicago Theater about 2 years ago.

  2. dmf

     /  April 19, 2010
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